my daughter is with her dad this weekend. i hate it when she's not here, but its soon gonna be a reality that she'll be off to college and i'll have to figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life once i no longer have children to wrap my life around.
at any rate, she's gone off to take the PSAT test. they had to be at the school at 7:45. so we were up early once again. seems like i never really get to sleep in. another fact of being a mom.... especially a single mom.
i probably won't get to hear about how it went for her until after she comes home on sunday night and by then she'll have forgotten a lot of it. i remember when she was born -- so tiny and needy -- and now here she is -- all grown up and lot wiser in many ways than i'll ever be. where does the time go. can it really be almost 17 years since i brought her into this world?? she is my miracle child. she almost died when i was giving birth to her because of a knot in her umbilical cord. but she saved my life when my in-laws were so torturous to me -- i could wrap myself around her care and that of her brother and pretend they weren't really there brow beating me.
she saved my life during the divorce by saying she would live with me. she doesn't know she's done this. she doesn't have a clue how difficult it is to be alone. i'm learning little by little how to do that. how to work towards the plan that papa has for me -- a plan that doesn't include wrapping myself around my kids or a husband anymore.
who would have thought that my daughter going off to her PSATs would have spurred this line of thinking...