i'm so confused ...

so weird stuff happened today. some of it i can't talk about right now because i'm still upset about it and have to figure out what to do. some of it is just weird.
a friend from my church that papa doesn't want me going to came by today because she knew i was upset and she sat in my living room and told me she was having a download (from god -- which happens a lot with her) and that i was supposed to go to the writer's conference. i said, i have no money, papa doesn't want me there, blah blah blah. she had an answer for everything. how can i fight this???
i'm so confused and papa just needs to give me a download. i've been in tears most of the afternoon since i left the interview actually -- and my head is now paying the price with throbbing. idk what to do or think anymore... so yeah -- papa just needs to be clear cut on all of this for me...