stay alive, drive 55

i'm about to turn the speed limit. for those of u who don't drive the speed limit, let me just remind u that its 55, double nickels as the truckers call it. so yeah, i'm about to turn 55.

its weird coz i stopped celebrating birthdays when i was around 40. its just another day now. like any other day. and part of the reason i stopped celebrating it when i did was because that particular birthday a whole slew of really crummy things happened to me and i decided it was as good a time as any to stop "celebrating" because it wasn't really a celebration. i mean after all, what r we really celebrating -- the fact that we haven't died yet?? that about sums it up if u ask me ...

so here comes 55 and i have to work that day and will probably have to drive my daughter back to college after work (which means i probably won't get home till after 10pm) and well that just shoots the whole celebration concept all to u know where ...

and really i might celebrate more if i was turning the age my dad will be (85) because then there really is something to celebrate (although i think he stopped celebrating his birthday a while ago too and since i'm not near him i can't make a cake for him, not that he'd eat it anyhow but that's another story).

but there is this part of me that sits here in amazement that i'm 55. its like -- how did this happen, more importantly, when did it happen ... because it doesn't seem all that long ago that i was a kid wishing my life away -- wanting to be 16 (so i could drive) or 21 (so i could drink -- which i still don't do so it was a wish wasted). but as i got closer to 30 i started to think, hey, wait, this doesn't seem so great coz i don't even have children yet and then when i did and 40 was looming large i wanted to slow things down so my kiddos would stay small just a tad longer and then menopause happened (early) and i was like, well, isn't this just the pits. and then i got divorced and well, the rest, as they say, is history.

and at a time when most ppl r thinking about what they will do during their retirement in 10 years, i'm sitting here thinking about how can i get a job when i haven't had one in 3 years and what is to become of me if i can't ... and that's enough to sober anyone... or make them want to start drinking just to try and mask the reality behind it.

so if i were a drinking person, i'd raise my glass to the last 55 years (even if they weren't all diamonds i am certainly blessed by my two beautiful children and my most amazing friends and papa god is keeping me near and dear) and perhaps say a prayer that i last at least another 55 ....