what price beauty ...

WARNING: if there r any men out there reading this, don't go any further ....


i had to say that otherwise i will get lots of ewwwws from the guys.

this morning as i was standing in the shower sloughing off the dead skin with my scrubby, i thought to myself how nice it would be to live in a place where it didn't matter if i sloughed off my dead skin, or shaved my legs (or armpits), or plucked my eyebrows, or even worried about whether my grey hairs were showing. it would be nice not to have to take the pedi-egg to my feet and then slather them with cream or paint my face with stuff that will probably age me beyond belief. it would be wonderful not to worry about whether or not my hair was combed, my teeth brushed (ok, well i HAVE to do this just for me), or my pants were void of wrinkles.

does such a place exist? i kind of doubt it. but its a nice thought.

currently, jessica simpson is traveling around the world doing a series of shows called "the price of beauty". now, in the past, i know that she's gotten a lot of flak for being a flake (remember the tuna/chicken thing). but i have to applaud her efforts in this regard because it isn't until we can see how beauty negatively (or positively) affects the culture that we can start to make changes for the good. i have to admit that i didn't really watch this show -- well -- i caught the tail end of the one where they went to thailand and saw the previews for the one where they interview an anorexic model. and i am not sure i want to watch it (let's be fair, i'm not a big fan of tv in general and usually tend to only watch cooking or fixing up ur house shows -- although i do love watching NCIS, but we won't go there). but i have to say that if she takes the right approach with this show, it might help a lot of young women (and some older ones, too) realize that life isn't all about how beautiful, skinny, whatever u r.

maybe this is such a sensitive topic to me because i was spurned because i gained some weight after the birth of my children. basically, i think if u love someone, u continue to love them no matter what their looks. whether they have gotten heavy through child bearing, lost a breast/hair/etc. to cancer. i just think that love -- real love -- looks past the exterior to what's inside and finds the true beauty there.

i hate to say this, but my grandpa was a bit of a bigot and i remember when i was little my mom telling me that i shouldn't listen to what he said about ppl because it didn't matter what a person looked like on the outside, but what was in their heart and whether or not they were a good person. that has stuck with me for many many years and i've taught that to my children. as a result of what my mom said to me and tried to teach me, i tend to look past the exterior to see the heart. the other thing is that the last few years, papa god has taught me how to see ppl the way he sees them, and that has made a difference in how i view myself as well. so all this "stuff" that we do to have a "pleasing" appearance to others doesn't mean as much as it used to. and perhaps that's y i wouldn't mind going somewhere where it didn't matter at all ...

gifts from papa...

for about two and a half hours today i was outside on some back dirt road taking photos. one of the ppl (jeff) who goes to my morning church and leads worship from time to time is producing his own cd filled with his own songs and needed photos for the front and back covers. i offered to help -- idk how much help i was in that dept. but we took a few pics and there might be a couple that would work for them.

while we were on this excursion, we had a chance to talk about some things. its interesting to "compare notes" with other christians from time to time about their journey. sometimes i find myself "preaching to myself" when attempting to encourage others to keep on their journey with papa. i hear stuff coming out of my mouth that has not been in my head and i know its from papa.

the best part of today -- aside from the gleaning of a new relationship with another one of papa's kids -- was being outside in papa's world -- with all the painted leaves. at one point we went past the river where the water was so still it was like a mirror. somewhere upstream the water was flowing swiftly and i wondered, how did it get so still further downstream when it was flowing so heavily upstream. just another wonder of papa's.

i love this time of year because the colors r so pretty and its just another reminder that there is something greater than any of us directing this amazing scenery change. as we stood on the back roads today (and some of them were really back roads barely big enough for one car), i could take in all the beauty and know that papa was right there with us. its those little blessings that help keep me going. while others may look for the huge miracles, i know that the little miracles r just as important in papa's grand scheme of things.

i remember one sunday when jeff was leading worship. i was in a particularly bad place in my life -- feeling unloved and unloveable. i wondered how anyone could ever love me. jeff came in carrying this gnarly piece of birch. during worship he held it up and talked about how most of us see ourselves as this gnarled ugly piece of wood, but that papa sees us as this beautiful 12-string guitar. he suggested that we needed to start seeing ourselves as that guitar -- as papa sees us. it was a turning point for me because it was then that i realized that i wasn't seeing myself as that precious daughter of a king but as something so much less. that if i ever was to come into relationship with papa i was going to have to start seeing myself as he saw me.

i don't always succeed and sometimes the enemy whispers lies into my head that make me start to slip into that ugly space -- but papa always finds a way to pull me back -- either through encouragement from another or a sign. its a wonderful gift. i hope that he continues to use me to help others through encouraging them. even that is a gift from papa....