slow pokey ....

so yesterday after i wrote my blog i decided i had better copy it and save it in my writing folder on my desktop because u know if i ever die someone might get a kick out of reading what sometimes feels more like a journal entry than a blog, but whatever. at any rate, i was wondering if i had saved the last few blogs, so i went searching through the folder to see what titles were there (and believe me there r a lot of titles -- some of which never made it to the blog site), only to discover that there were MANY that had not been saved. I spent the next hour or so opening, copying and saving them all -- all the way back to January of 2009.

i don't know what prevented me from saving them as i did them -- that would have been a much easier and less time consuming task and in the past, i would have been all for easier and less time consuming. lately, it seems like i just saunter -- like an old slow pokey turtle -- my way through life and don't really pay a whole heck of a lot of attention to the amount of time i'm at something and that is a tad worrisome on one front. its not that i can't push myself (because i can), its just that i don't want to. i want to take it all slowly and enjoy the moments -- even the seemingly mundane ones.

yesterday a friend stopped by to lend me her teeny tiny philips head screwdrivers to see if i could fix my daughters digital camera (i couldn't and that's a subject for another day/blog). we had seen each other briefly the day before when i took my daughter (with said broken camera) to the town where my friend lives to take photos for her photography class. my friend and i have kept in touch through facebook, but we don't get to see each other often because her schedule is crazy nuts. so its nice when we do, however, we spend a lot of time "catching up" and then talking about our spiritual journeys.

yesterday was no exception. but some where around 7:30 my daughter wandered downstairs and announced that it was 7:30 and that she was starving. i hadn't told her to hole herself up in her room, but she had and i hadn't realized the time because my friend and i were so engaged in talking. it was just another example of letting what's gonna happen, happen and enjoying the now of the moment.

maybe its something that happens as we age -- idk. maybe its our way of making life last longer since it appears more and more fleeting as we get older. but i have to say that not having a real job these last two+ years and spending more and more time with papa god has just made me stop and smell the roses -- so to speak -- more often than not. it probably frustrates my daughter because she's at the other end of life and, as such, wants things to pop pop pop ... luckily, she will be going off to college in the fall and won't have to deal with her slow pokey dottering old mama the majority of the time ....

diamonds and coal

my neighbor believes that bad things come in threes. she might be right -- i know that whenever one celebrity dies, it seems that very shortly thereafter, two more die. and for her she had a hot water heater go in her apt. and then the water pump in her van, so she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.

she came over yesterday to gorilla glue my cupboard shelf brackets into place. you see, about 8 months after they installed the new kitchen cabinets, i had a shelf fall down on me. the bracket came out of the socket it was resting in partly because the shelves were cut about 1/2 inch too short. unfortunately, that shelf contained a lot of my cups and my irreplaceable tea pot to my dinnerware pattern and some irreplaceable glass dishes that were my mom's. when i complained to the office about it, i was told to get my renter's insurance to pay for the damages -- as if paying for the items would make it all better. of course, i have a deductible on my insurance and their feeling was that it was the housing authority's issue since they installed faulty cabinets. even though this same issue happened with several other residents, and was reported to the office, nothing was done to rectify the faulty cabinet shelves and we've all just "dealt" with it for the last couple of years. but my neighbor finally figured out that if we gorilla glued the brackets in place, they would be less likely to pop out and since she did her's she figured she would come over and do mine.

this meant that i had to unload two of my shelves. which i did. and i realized just how much stuff i have in that one cupboard and it got me to thinking about moving and how much stuff i have all over the house and how difficult it will be to do that alone. now i don't have any solid plans to move anywhere in the immediate future, but u never know what might happen, since i'm about to write a letter to the housing authority about a rent increase issue, and they don't seem to appreciate it when u put something in writing (probably because it leaves a paper trail). so u never know.

I've had a couple of "coal" events this week. the first was the not getting too far with the financial aid offices of the two colleges my daughter is truly interested in attending. the second was a rent increase, that although i knew it was coming, i couldn't comprehend the amount they actually came up with because it revolved around me working 52 weeks a year and i don't know anyone who works 52 weeks a year, although i'm sure there are ppl who work 52 weeks a year, i'm just not one of them. and the third was a letter i got yesterday from Old Navy saying they were dropping my credit limit to $100 from $450 because seemingly i'm too much more of a credit risk now than i was 1 year ago when they gave me the card (and truly my financial situation has not changed one iota since then but whatever). and considering that i rarely use the card (we live 80 miles from the nearest Old Navy and probably shop there once in a blue moon and u know how often they happen) and that i pay the bill off immediately or at least within the first two billing cycles, i figure they just decided to do it because they rn't "making enough money" off me. so i'm probably going to be writing them a letter and telling them what they can do with their silly card because truly the only reason i got the card in the first place was to take advantage of the points u earn towards free stuff. but who needs them...

at any rate, as i lay in bed this morning thinking about "coal" events of the last week,i decided that i wasn't in the right mood to go to church. and truly we should stay home any how because my daughter really needs to work on her scholarships, since the two schools she applied to rn't going to give her much in the way of financial aid (even though she lives with a mom who hasn't worked a steady job in two years). so we're staying home, and having our usual pillsbury orange cinnamon rolls for breakfast. its a tradition in our house that on sunday mornings i would always make them -- some things r hard to let go of. i'm feeling just a tad like a heathen right now (and not just because i'm about to eat fattening cinnamon rolls.

on the bright side, i bought my daughter a tea kettle identical to mine for $3 and a Brita water pitcher for 92 cents at the thrift store so she can take them to college now. and i had a job interview last monday. it was the first in a long time and at least i got the interview, because most of the jobs i've applied for lately i haven't even been called for an interview, let alone gotten a letter saying "we're sorry we've already filled the position with someone more qualified" blah blah blah stuff. so there is hope now that if i could glean one interview, i might actually glean more .... so that's three diamonds. three diamonds to three pieces of coal. and i'm still smiling, mostly..... coz things do come in threes -- even the good ones ....

go google urself ....

'tis really funny what u find sometimes. i googled myself tonight to see what comes up (like my etsy shop and this blog and perhaps facebook) and the stuff that came up made me go awe and giggle and have some fond memories of times gone by ...

i used to moderate a chat room for women, at a website called WOW (women on the web -- i was Bonnetwow -- don't ask), a long long long time ago -- it was like another lifetime. but i also wrote some articles about feminism and what being a woman meant, etc. of course, that's the first link that comes up when u google me. unfortunately (or fortunately depending upon who u might ask), all the links for the articles r broken ones -- so we can't even read my contributions. its probably just as well since it was like a zillion years ago and in the midst of a weird marriage -- so who knows what i might have written.

one of the other links that comes up is below:

Photo Cropping Book Layout

the funny thing about this is that when i was scrapping i had three layouts published in three different idea books by Memory Makers magazine and this link just happens to be one of them. it was an honor to have one layout chosen for publication -- but to have three was more than i could comprehend. its so neat to see it online now ...

one of the other links is to some photos i posted online at WMUR-TV's website. it goes along with the scrapbooking -- take photos, show them off -- only this is online ...

and another is the link to my profile on BeenUp2 -- which is a board of cool ppl -- mostly from Redding, CA that i joined a while ago when i thought papa god was gonna take me to Bethel Church there. i still think i might get to go there, i'm just not sure that it will happen any time soon. but they r such a great bunch of ppl and they pray for each other and care and the relationships r there even if they r long distance because they r all children of papa god .... so its "all good" ....

these r just little bits of the person i was/am -- it will never be a complete picture. but i suggest that u go google urself and see what comes up....

still tough times for the economy ...

business has been kinda slow -- ok, let me be more specific -- business has been non-existent on etsy these days. the last sale i had was feb. 4th. i've had a couple of sales locally, but business locally has been pretty non-existent, too. on etsy there r tons of threads in the forums about it as well. everybody is having a bad time. i wonder if the local big box retailers r having as bad a time (i kind of doubt it but u never know). several of the smaller independent locals r going out of business, which is kinda sad to see. having closed a store myself, i know what this feels like.

a week or so ago we discovered that Hollywood Video was going out of business. its like walkable from our apt. and one of only two real video rental places. but i guess they felt like they couldn't compete with comcast on demand and netflix. i don't have either one of those -- and i know a lot of ppl who don't. when i made mention of the fact that we enjoyed renting movies there, someone suggested we try the "red box". i've seen them popping up around the area but i'm not sure i want to give some red box my credit card. something just doesn't sit well there. and i can't afford comcast on demand or netflix on a regular basis because we don't watch that many movies -- we might rent a movie once a month or less (thinking we probably contributed to the demise of hollywood video because we didn't rent more often). and honestly, i feel really badly for the ppl who r losing their jobs because of it.

the other store that is going out of business is our local birkenstock store. to some folks this is a non-issue coz they wouldn't be caught dead with a birkenstock on their foot. for me ... its the only shoe i wear because i have foot and back issues and i know they would be a lot worse if i wore something else (coz i've tried). but i didn't shop there very often either because birkies if they rn't on sale r really expensive and i could only afford them when they had sales (which wasn't often). so again -- probably contributed to their demise. but now i wonder what i will do now to get birkies for my poor feet. its not like we have a mall close by (read the mall shopping blog and u'll understand). again, ppl without jobs.

i hear all this stuff on the news about the economy getting better, but i don't see it. i don't have a job, so what r all these ex-employees of birkenstock and hollywood video going to do?

the other bad part of this is that when u close a store, u have a going out of business sale and then ppl u never saw in ur store before come in looking for bargains (which in itself isn't a bad thing), but feels to the business owner like their being taken advantage of (which, of course they r). i know, because i've been through this. yet who can resist a really good sale????

idk -- i wish i could say i see a glimmer of hope on the horizon for business owners -- the small ones i mean because it seems like the big boxes will survive no matter what. especially the wal-marts because in tough times everybody needs a place to buy things cheaply. i'm just praying that things pick up soon for all of us ...

what price beauty ...

WARNING: if there r any men out there reading this, don't go any further ....


i had to say that otherwise i will get lots of ewwwws from the guys.

this morning as i was standing in the shower sloughing off the dead skin with my scrubby, i thought to myself how nice it would be to live in a place where it didn't matter if i sloughed off my dead skin, or shaved my legs (or armpits), or plucked my eyebrows, or even worried about whether my grey hairs were showing. it would be nice not to have to take the pedi-egg to my feet and then slather them with cream or paint my face with stuff that will probably age me beyond belief. it would be wonderful not to worry about whether or not my hair was combed, my teeth brushed (ok, well i HAVE to do this just for me), or my pants were void of wrinkles.

does such a place exist? i kind of doubt it. but its a nice thought.

currently, jessica simpson is traveling around the world doing a series of shows called "the price of beauty". now, in the past, i know that she's gotten a lot of flak for being a flake (remember the tuna/chicken thing). but i have to applaud her efforts in this regard because it isn't until we can see how beauty negatively (or positively) affects the culture that we can start to make changes for the good. i have to admit that i didn't really watch this show -- well -- i caught the tail end of the one where they went to thailand and saw the previews for the one where they interview an anorexic model. and i am not sure i want to watch it (let's be fair, i'm not a big fan of tv in general and usually tend to only watch cooking or fixing up ur house shows -- although i do love watching NCIS, but we won't go there). but i have to say that if she takes the right approach with this show, it might help a lot of young women (and some older ones, too) realize that life isn't all about how beautiful, skinny, whatever u r.

maybe this is such a sensitive topic to me because i was spurned because i gained some weight after the birth of my children. basically, i think if u love someone, u continue to love them no matter what their looks. whether they have gotten heavy through child bearing, lost a breast/hair/etc. to cancer. i just think that love -- real love -- looks past the exterior to what's inside and finds the true beauty there.

i hate to say this, but my grandpa was a bit of a bigot and i remember when i was little my mom telling me that i shouldn't listen to what he said about ppl because it didn't matter what a person looked like on the outside, but what was in their heart and whether or not they were a good person. that has stuck with me for many many years and i've taught that to my children. as a result of what my mom said to me and tried to teach me, i tend to look past the exterior to see the heart. the other thing is that the last few years, papa god has taught me how to see ppl the way he sees them, and that has made a difference in how i view myself as well. so all this "stuff" that we do to have a "pleasing" appearance to others doesn't mean as much as it used to. and perhaps that's y i wouldn't mind going somewhere where it didn't matter at all ...

Mall Shopping

this really isn't about mall shopping -- its about non-mall shopping. u see, we live in nh -- where the malls r few and far between. the nearest mall to us is in concord -- which is about an hour's drive (provided u don't hit any traffic when u get close to concord. the largest mall near us is about 1.5 hours away in manchester. if we drove 2+ hours we could go to the mall in holyoke, ma, but then we'd have to pay sales tax on anything we buy. however, there is no toll booth on the way there and its pretty much a straight shot. the same could also be said for target and craft stores like michaels and acmoore for us. shopping is NOT easy when u live in nh. ppl don't believe me when i tell them how far we r from a mall. but its true ...

so having said all this, yesterday my daughter had no school and we decided around noon that we would go to the mall in manchester. there is an acmoore there and a michaels nearby and lots of stores (like old navy and forever 21) where my daughter likes to clothes shop. we got there close to 2 and went into acmoore, where she got one paint brush and i bought about $7 worth of beading supplies. we then went to the restroom and as we came out of the restroom into the mall near acmoore i heard a boom, the lights flickered and the fire alarms started going off.

this is not a joke folks -- this is my life -- my timing has always sucked, so it was no surprise to me. since there were no announcements that we were to evacuate the building and ppl were pretty much ignoring the alarms, we continued (rather stupidly my daughter thought since at school when the alarm goes off it means "get the heck out of here now"). we got to forever 21 and i asked the sales lady if she knew what was going on and she assured me that this sort of stuff happens all the time and we were in no real danger. my daughter decided to try on a few things and the next thing i know they were telling us we needed to leave, so we started back towards the store we'd come in originally (best buy) only to discover that the security ppl wouldn't let us back that way and we would have to go out another door and walk around the outside of the mall to get to our car. have u ever tried walking around the outside of a mall??

we decided we would drive down the road to the michaels and then come back and see if we could be let into the mall. of course, by the time we'd left there were already 6 firetrucks (and probably half the fire battalion of manchester) in place and two of them with baskets up on the roof. where were all these guys when we were asked to evacuate the building by the personnel at forever 21 -- not once did we see any firemen in the mall or security telling us to leave or even an announcement that we should leave.

at any rate, after we went to michaels we came back to the mall and it still was "closed" and we decided to drive the 40 minutes to concord to the other mall -- which we did -- where we had some dinner and shopped very little and then went to michaels and target nearby. it was just one of those really weird days that u can't predict. and truly it wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't had to drive 1.5 hours to get to the mall in the first place.

so today i turned on the news to discover that an electrical worker triggered an explosion, which lead to a fire, (thus the need for the firemen and firetrucks), and that he was severely injured. i will pray for quick healing for him.