well-meaning ....

so a couple/three weeks ago i went for a job interview (won't say where) and it was like the first job interview i'd had in a while and it was with 5 ppl. i have never interviewed with 5 ppl asking me questions (kinda like a firing squad). at any rate, i thought i had done pretty well during the interview, although maybe i mentioned papa god too much (but he does come along with the package so get used to it) and it was at a church, so u would think they would understand. and maybe i was too flippant about the fact that i really didn't care too much how much it paid or the benefits (there were none) or vacation time (well maybe just a little) and after all, i'd worked as a church secretary before and so why shouldn't u hire me (when asked y should we hire u). but as u can guess by the tone of all this, i didn't get the job. i got a very nicely hand written note saying that although they were very (their emphasis not mine) impressed with my credentials they had given the job to another candidate. which in job lingo means either i blew the interview or i'm too old for the position or they were looking at someone from the church to begin with (i'd like to take this as the reason if u don't mind) or a myriad of reasons that i'll never know because it wasn't spelled out in the note.

honestly, at one point one of the interviewers asked me if i saw this part-time job as a stepping stone to something else. i had to think about this because i'm 54 for crying out loud. so, what would it be a stepping stone to?? death?? i mean it was a legitimate interview type question, but the reality is that i'm 54 and the probability of this being a stepping stone to anything is slim to none. if i were 20 or 30 -- maybe yes, but not at 54. this is the time in ppl's lives when they start thinking about "winding down" -- since i never got wound up, the probability is that its not going to happen now.

at any rate, i digress because its not the job or the interview or the rejection that is troubling me -- because i've been this route a lot of times before (like when i didn't even get an interview for a job as a data entry clerk at the local feed store -- a job i could have probably done in my sleep). what's troubling me is ppl's reactions to me. and some of these ppl r christians and probably ought to know better.

so one common reaction is "well, that just means that god doesn't want u there and has something better lined up for u". which on the surface seems like a really great comment to make, and i have to admit that i have used it myself for friends who have had job rejections, but it isn't really helpful in that i already know that papa god might well have had other plans for me. however, one look at my practically non-existent bank account tells u that i need a job with an income NOW. and i do trust papa god to find the right thing for me at the right time and that his timing is never my timing, but honestly, this is cutting things to the quick if u ask me and i've been bleeding for quite some time and that really needs to stop soon.

another reaction i get is, "well, u don't want to work there because they rn't a spirit-filled church and u'd be unhappy there". excuse me, but where in the bible does it say that i can only work in spirit filled places? if that were true, then there would be very few jobs for christians in this world and we'd have a lot of unemployed christians needing to live on assistance. on the contrary, i think we r called to go out into the world and work and be among the world and still shine papa god's light and possibly bring ppl to papa god by shining his light. jesus hung with all sorts of ppl who were "frowned upon" by the priests and elders. but what he said was that it was the healthy who needed the doctor -- it was the sick. so i don't get this attitude of some christians that we're only supposed to be working or playing or whatever in places or with ppl that r spirit-filled. what kind of a weird clique is that? and to be honest, i've worked in a lot of places where i wasn't particularly happy but i kept working there and doing a really good job, and dropping it at the door as i left for the day because i can do that - especially when i need the paycheck. i know a lot of ppl who can do that. i don't think i'm weird in this respect. where does it say that because we believe in god and jesus that we're entitled to complete and utter happiness 100% of the time?? i'm pretty sure it doesn't say that anywhere in the bible -- at least i haven't found it yet.

its strange to think that because i haven't worked in the real world for 20 years doing something i was so very good at that now i can't get a job. especially considering that i haven't lost any of the skills -- and if anything, have only improved -- although its not something that shows on paper. and maybe that isn't the reason they didn't offer me the job -- maybe i really did blow the interview because i seemed "over confident" or whatever. if they only knew that 5 years ago they would have had to scrape me off the pavement for the low self-esteem and that where i am today is a huge improvement over the mousey little twit that i was -- and that's not to demean anyone but me where i was -- so please don't take that personally. but if, in fact, the reason they didn't hire me was because there was an internal candidate that was a better fit, that's great. because my response to the interviewers was that i wanted to be where papa god wanted me and what would be a good fit for me and for them. so at this point, since i have no real explanation for the rejection, i will take this to mean that they found someone who is a good fit for them, someone that god wants in that position and i will keep looking and keep my eyes on papa god and trusting him. and i will continue to refrain from telling my well-meaning christian friends what i think when their responses match the ones above -- this i do in love.