skirt folds ....

its almost 8 am. i've been up since just a few minutes before 5 when the "stay overnight boyfriend" of one of the neighbors down the complex fired up his motorcycle -- which is probably the loudest motorcycle on the planet if u were to have asked me at 5am.

i should be packing up the apartment. they have started to clean the other one that i'm moving into -- which means it won't be long now. but i'm waiting on my daughter to finish packing up her room and using the boxes she wants before i start the rest of it because i know it will be hard to find boxes in the sizes she needs in the short time we have left together.

i'm also procrastinating a bit in the hope that some deserving person who needs only a 2 bdrm will come along and they will move them in rather than me. that's wishful thinking on my part, but whatever. my neighbors (in this particular building) don't want me to move. we were all comrades in arms when the issue of renovations came up so there is this bond that they feel is being torn apart because i'm moving into the next building over (where most of the ppl were content to let the renovations happen without much argument -- although it didn't stop them from riding our coat tails to the hotel).

i'm still trying to adjust to the fact that my daughter is going away to college and i'll be alone while living in a new apartment. i don't mind the new apartment so much -- its an opportunity to rearrange furniture -- but doing it on the heels of sending the child away is just too much stress for one person. then there is the issue with the ex. he was making noises that my vacation ends with her today and that he should have her tonight and tomorrow -- even though she isn't finished packing. i basically said he'd had 17 days with her and if i got 17 days with her that takes us right up to when she leaves and that he hadn't given me this same opportunity when the son had left for college. he didn't respond. he doesn't know what to say when confronted with his own goofy vacation math. of course, i'm letting him have her because quite frankly, i'm tired of the fighting and glad that after this i won't have to any more. she can make her own choices and verbalize them just fine ...

i also need to find a regular job, with regular hours, and regular pay, and hopefully benefits. but i think this won't materialize until after the move because there is just too much on my plate right now. and i'm ever thankful that papa god is carrying me through all of this because i would probably be a real mess (institutionalization comes to mind) if he didn't. and its wonderful to be able to keep coming back to that when the messies come running at me. its like a little child who is at once curious and frightened and will take a step forward and then run back to hide behind the safety of their mother's skirt folds. idk what i'd do without papa god in my life ... i don't even want to think about it ...